Above the Ivory Gates
by betodd
Summary: An AU/introspection where Killua and Gon never meet up after parting at the World Tree.


_"Kite said that no matter where we go, we'll always be friends!"_

You never turned back. Your path led to a world above mine. I followed you as far as your dream allowed. The light I sought left me blinded.

How far have you aspired to? A dream so grand, you were always hunting. I was always watching. To stay close to you, to be your shadow. Climbing upward to a future full of wonders. I only served to pick you up if you fell.

* * *

 _The leaves have skewed the outskirts of town into a collage of copper hues. The breeze has become cooler now. It's late fall in a foreign city._

The wheels screeched as our driver whipped us around each winding side road, barely leaving room between the tire and curbside ledge. Babies cried, unknown liquids plastered the walls, and belongings scrambled all over the floor. The riders clung to the seats in front of them, some gaping with big eyes as I stood aside my sister's seat. My height starkly opposed the compact bus, forcing my shoulders to bow slightly; unintentionally making myself appear more intimidating despite our wishes to remain discreet. Reaching awkwardly to grip my hand atop her shoulder as to protect her from being tossed about the vehicle along with all our baggage. My expression glazed as the vehicle seized violently over a pothole.

Alluka is seventeen now. She is taller and her buoyant face has tapered. She doesn't hold my hand as we walk anymore, but keeps up with my stride. Age has made her bold and wiser, but her eyes remain unchanged. In them, reflects the good left of the world; wondrous and kind, bright and blithe.

She loves me. I can see it in her every gesture, and I love her. I wonder if she see's it too.

* * *

It was already night by the time we had checked into our hotel room. The daylight lost spent street wandering after abandoning the bus some number of stops farther from our destination; leading us to vicarious shopping upon each new and interesting boutique and street stand. The sky was especially dismal, and opened up to pour over the city.

We let down our bags once inside the sparse lit space. Alluka quickly left to wash up after the tedious journey. Stretching my back with a yawn, I surveyed the lifeless room. Two beds, a night stand between them exhibiting a solitary lamp on top, a built in closet nearest the door to the bathroom, and a lonely window residing at the far side of the room by the furthest bed. It became clear why the price was so cheap.

Red light filtered through the window. Sirens soared throughout the streets below, while rain poured down as if to mute their calls. Alluka's shower songs like a flute amidst the bleak atmosphere.

I let myself ease against the wall beside the window. Peering through, overlooking the world outside; scurrying businessmen and children jumping in puddles with exhausted mothers chasing after them. Friends browsing the scene, in between fights jostling each other in and out from their umbrella's shelter. I could almost make out their words in my head.

My mind wandered back to many years prior. I met everyone back then in a tunnel during the first phase of the Hunter Exam. All of us running after Satotz onward towards the goal. I thought you were just an odd guy, carrying a fishing rod and hopelessly chasing a silly dream like the rest. You were called Gon, small and dressed in all green, accompanied by an older looking man in a suit Leorio, and a blonde headed serious looking teenager, Kurapika. Initially, I just wanted conversation with someone my age. Growing up as a Zoldyck, I had next to no experience socializing with other kids outside of my own siblings, and you seemed interesting. Just a way to kill time during the idles of the exam I had thought.

When Leorio faltered, you didn't abandon him. This was all too much for an average guy like him. It was understandable, so why were you waiting for him? You said nothing, just peered back at him expectantly. As he panted exasperated, hunched over and sweat drenching his face, a spark surged within him. Suddenly, with furious speed he shot forth, bellowing out a roar and sprinting past us. Your expression softened, renewed cheer warmed the air around us. Collecting his fallen briefcase swiftly and we continued on. Maybe it was then I first realized your potential, your effect on others. I didn't understand it, I couldn't have at that time. You were something different.

I found myself drawn to that energy. The bonds between you, Leorio and Kurapika became something I quietly longed for. Without realizing it, during those initial trials, I made my first friend. As we traveled together my future began to take color. In you was the answer, the destination, the adventure, and the calm after it all was seared through. We would soon find ourselves in a much larger world, and strangled under the weight of obstacles far greater than the Hunter Exam.

Time passed too quickly, and the culmination of your hard work brought us to yet another path. One which would eventually lead us apart. After beating Greed Island, we met Kite.

He took us under his wing. Around a small fire, Kite told us stories about his times together with your father, uncovering new details of his character. A small grin on his face through the crackling flames, while you eagerly prodded, hanging onto every word. The missing piece inside you, Kite filled. It felt warm, and I thought that this was happiness.

The outbreak of the Chimera Ants infested NGL. In order to bring an end to the destruction, and with the approval of Kite, the three of us went to fend off the foreign enemy. However, during the mission an unexpected enemy discovered us. The sheer presence of the creature itself was unbearable. And while I only sought to protect you in running away, the creature's immense power took Kite's life; imprisoning you in a state of complete unhinged chaos. The task of revenge stole you away. Soon enough you abandoned me with only that final goal in mind, and the few words you said to me left to echo.

 _"You have it easy, Killua. You're perfectly calm. Since it means nothing to you…"_

When I found you again, you body was utterly broken.

As bad as you looked, you were not out of commission long. Nanika saved you, as I saved her. All of the loose ends seemingly tied. Finally at the end of our journey, with you back on your feet we ventured to the base of the World Tree, where your father awaited you on top. Forced smiles spread our cheeks, as we turned our backs on each other. My chest bottled and tight, I felt it may burst should I see you walk away again. I knew at that moment, everything was ending.

Did you care for me, or just my company? Time has made my judgment clouded and I can't tell if I care to clear it. The pain of your absence has eased, days pass where I forget about you. My focal point so set on what life has become with Alluka, how each road brings us a new city like dawn to a day. I wonder little of my own future in favor of hers. A smudged out canvas of what once was. My future erased with your memory. Only occasionally in dreams, your memory lures me back after all the years past. The silence of the night steals away my subconscious...

I wonder about you and why you never wrote back. The countless letters I sent, did you never get them? Desperate emotions bleeding through the pen. A silent prayer repeating in my head, over and over again. Sickening, violent waves berate my body, a nervous plague taking over each line. All the letters blurred as I scrawled my name at the bottom.

I never realized how empty I was before you. There was hope in the letters. I was sure you would reply someday with a cheerful excuse. Telling me all about your newfound adventures. The places you have been, the levels you reached. Even now, I wait for your reply. Where you are and what's taking so long? If I would even be able to recognize you still.

You said you were glad we met. I wanted so much, just to be at your side. The memories of the adventures we chased just like a bright summer stupor.

Those days you relentlessly pressed forward and towards our inevitable departure, my composure began to collapse. My tear stained cheeks you never seemed to notice. False smiles and words I dare not speak in fear of losing you. If you could see what lingers behind my facade, would you understand my feelings. If I refused to let you leave, would you be here now? Have you forgotten it all so easily? This hollow world is too eternal and I'm a shell without you.

* * *

"Brother, if we don't leave soon, we won't have much time to visit the museum. You promised we'd go today."

Alluka's eyes filled with vibrant expectation. She hovered over me, where I had fallen asleep hunched over and sat against the wall. The morning sunlight worn across her face, window open and wind tossing her brunette mane gently to and fro. Of course, we would go wherever pleased her. Her happiness had become my driving force and in lieu of Gon's absence, she became my world. Perhaps in losing Gon I was able to open my eyes to what truly mattered most. This way I could justify the insufferable hole in my ego.

A dry chuckle escaped me, and I rubbed at my tired eyes with a sad grin. It's really gotten so cold.

I got prepared while she sat humming from the bedside. Kicking her feet lightly, and staring about the room absently, growing silently impatient. A toothbrush hanging from my mouth, with hair a tousled mess, I sorted through my suitcase. Digging around, and throwing what didn't appeal to the side. A pile of miscellaneous clothing items growing on the hotel room floor, only to decide on a black hoodie and a pair of slacks. Basic and comfortable. Alluka scrunched her brows at me. Shaking her head softly, and exerting a dramatized sigh in the process, cast her yearning eyes back towards the city buzz from outside the now closed window. However, her distaste wasted as I had already made my way to the bathroom, shedding the clothes I was still wearing from the day before. I rid my mouth of toothpaste suds and rinsed, threw on the monochrome outfit and beckoned my sister out the door, not bothering to waste any more of her time.

We made our way through the rambling halls to the main entrance in the lobby. Shuffling past the crowds of breakfast buffet goers, and the large revolving doors into the chill autumn air whizzing about the bustling streets. I collected her tiny hand in mine, for the first time in what felt like decades. My heart lilted a bit at her surprised response, but she looked up at me. Her fluttering happy eyes squinted back at me. A warmth swelled within my chest. We ventured off to the busy streets, hand in hand. I felt her smiling eyes on me. The feeling that came over me was not pride, but gratitude. Gloomy as I was, and unable to share the excitement she felt, somehow she expelled all negativity in a way that sometimes even I would not hesitate to call this feeling happiness. If it were not for her, I fear the thought of the kind of person I could have become.

But in the wonderings of Alluka, there was a different notion. From behind her peeping lids, she thought she knew a cure to his loneliness existed. She resolved to stay at his side chasing it, leading him back to a place where there was a thoughtful solace buried behind his silence. Where his eyes retained their vivacity and let go of the misery tangled within the memories of the past. The answer couldn't be so out of reach.

An old museum lived at the center of the city. A vast stairway led to its entrance. The sign said "Janus Museum of Time's Treasures" and depicted a frightening two-faced man as it's symbol. Our feet had just reached its open white gates, erupting from the concrete, gallant and defined opposing the rest of the monotonous city buildings we had passed. The stairway before us, like a ladder to a tower in the sky, so steep it was almost intimidating.

I hesitated, rubbing my hand through my hair, hiding the short breaths trying to escape my lips. We had never been here before, yet the scene felt all too familiar. Pangs of anxiety jilted through my spine. My skin crawling. Alluka waited thoughtfully, freeing me of her gaze, she cast her attention to the fragile little blue flowers growing from the cracks in the concrete. Certainly, this was the place where the past and present meet. The World Tree flickered across my mind like a distant memory. I stifled my breathing, forcing the troubling thoughts from my head. I extended an arm towards her when abruptly my blood chilled. An unwelcome but familiar feeling of slithering paranoia. I was being watched. My eyes traced the series of steps to the culprit.

A man stood atop the stairs. A green jacket hugged his shoulders and lingered just above his hips. Dark spiky hair stuck out from his head, and beige pants covered his legs, tucked loosely into a pair of tall laced boots. As he slowly turned around to face our direction, I saw a familiar expression. A flash of teeth, the corners of his mouth upright and his whole face beaming. His eyes were unmistakably locked on me.

For a moment, everything in my memory flooded together as a rampant fray replaying in my brain. Tension writhing in my chest like a twisting rope. The world slowly unraveled around me, my legs vanished beneath me, and an insidious terror crept up my core. I could hear his voice calling in my head. The childlike high pitched tone, bubbly and hiccuped, and laughing. I couldn't recognize if the voice I was hearing was audible to anyone else. My mental state spiraling. Nothing felt real. Still processing his visage, my sight began to blur. I wobbled backwards. I heard distant noises calling out to me, but their meaning garbled in slow motion. I realized I was falling. My neck outstretched and my body unable to react. My face suddenly felt warm, my eyes lifted to meet the burning sun above. The light stung bitterly, and yet I was hypnotized by it, powerless to look away. Then everything went black.

* * *

 **A/n: This is my first time writing** **fan fiction, please feel free to leave a message letting me know what you liked and/or what I should work on! I really appreciate any critiques. Thank you for reading!**

 **xx**


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